3,6,9 - One Year Check Up

Nowadays we are led to believe that we should shy away from placing a “title” on things. When it comes to labeling what we are doing, we are free-spirited in our thinking and the idea of someone laying claim to us seems to be mentally constricting. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the argument against any attempt to identify what you are doing with the person you are seeing. I mean, I hear fierce diatribe that has run the gamut from how seeking to place a title on your dating situation can quickly mess things up to why is there ever a need to even give a title to what you’re doing at all unless you are married.

As long we know what we are doing, why is it important for anyone else to know our business?

And I guess in a sense, some of these statements can be true to a degree – that’s if you are still out here just fucking for sport. I have to admit that the FWB - Friends With Benefits scenario is very common and prospering, almost at the same rate that Creflo Dollars bank account was when he first came up with the beautiful idea of soliciting donations to buy himself a plane.

But for some of us, namely myself, who is genuinely seeking something far more permanent while continuing to wade through this 2022, soon-to-be 2023 dating pool – laying things out in terms of black and white leaves little chance of misunderstandings between the two parties. This is especially necessary when it matures to the physical aspect of things. Never do I want the person that I am laying down with not to understand that my days of fucking for sport are long gone, and if I am allowing you to stand back and watch me in all my naked fluffiness and spreading my wings, so to speak, followed by scrambling

eggs and taking a risk at bacon grease blistering a nipple, you should be well aware that we will be having 3, 6, 9, and 12-month checkups, to see if this ship is still progressing on course.

And what does that mean, you ask? It means that my intentions of what I am looking for in terms of a relationship are expressed early on upon meeting someone of interest. No, I don't expect you to become an instant boyfriend, however, I am again - not out here just throwing my ass in a circle sitting and spinning on every male piece that still doesn't require a blue pill an hour before the show starts. In essence, simply put - I am looking for someone looking for the same thing as I am. And what is that? It is marriage! I've given someone all of my 30's, ran blindly through my 40's, and so I refuse to waste my 50's.

• · Months 1- 3: Getting to know each other’s likes, dislikes, enjoyments, favorite past times, work habits, social skills, dating style, intellectual ability, and financial accountability.

• · Month 3-6: What are we doing? Where is this going? Do you see the potential or progression in the situation?

• · Month 6-9: What level of commitment to each other are we at? Are we exclusive? Yes – great. Where do you see this going? No – Time to go. Deuces, I'm out!

• · Month 9-12: Are we progressing still? If yes, great, we may be on to something. No, well then, what are our issues? Let’s lay this on the table. Will we still be here in this exact spot in 24 months, or are we moving further towards the mark?
  

Nowadays, speaking that so boldly is shied away from and even frowned upon in some circles. You’re even advised, especially as a woman, that stating this truth of yours too soon upon meeting someone will send the message that you are desperate and may even scare some potential suitors away. Good, excellent, super, and outstanding. Throws confetti in the sky and watches it fall like rain all around me. If you're scared, holler red rock. Please do not let me be the one to have you thinking I am not serious about what I expect and say. But it is bullshit to me since I don’t want to waste my time on anyone that is a punk when it comes to a permanent commitment. Yes, I said it. A PUNK! Because if you are 45 plus and still out here trying to play the field, you're a punk. And sadly, so many are until something catastrophic happens in their lives, and then suddenly they start to look around for that special person to be there and help them through. Or even worse, as time has shown me repeatedly - they then want to run back to that person who they knew was a good woman or man that they left damaged and confused. And besides, why should I not let whomever I meet know that this is not just yet another test drive for fun when you know you have no intentions of even leasing, let alone purchasing this Maybach style of car that I am?

As dating goes, the lines are no longer blurred but practically nonexistent. There are no rules of engagement, and many are just going along with the ride, letting them be taken wherever the driver wants them to go with no clear destination in sight. Sightseeing, so to speak. And yet, I hear these same people complaining about the state of relationships nowadays and their dissatisfaction with the situations that they are in. Too many are now in situationships and nowhere even close to a Relationship. Sadly, I must throw my hat into the middle of the arena and tap dance around the rim, as I have been one of those people. That is until now, as we tetter-totter on the edge of 2023, and I see 52 years of life steadily cresting the hill in front of me.

No longer can do, says I. I know where I want to go, and I know what I need to see. In our forties, we all should have experienced enough in life to know what we are looking for and if the person we are dating has that potential. If we don’t, then either we are not looking for the same things, we are not as severe or focused on finding a life mate as we are conveying that we are. Or, truthfully speaking maybe we still have a great deal of maturing to do. Either way, my time is quite limited as to how much I will waste on one individual before they are headed for the chopping block. No love lost, I just know what I am looking for at this point in my life.

Too many of us sisters are afraid to allow the words to come out of our pretty little Ruby Woo MAC lips and say, THIS IS WHAT I WANT….and then hold the men we are dating feet to the fire to either acknowledge our worth or release us from the emotional, mental and physical bondage for someone else to come along that does. We have jumped on the bandwagon of saying, “Why should we place a title on things, just let it all happen at its pace.” And yet, I look around and see the pace of many who have been with the same man for 10-15 years either still unsure of what they are doing or unhappily playing the role of live-in girlfriend with not even the sparkle of a cubic zircon insight.

My only advice to those who know in their heart that they want more and yet accept less is that if you are cool with looking up in another few years and learning that your man has married someone he only knew for six months, then good for you.

Love Chloe