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One night, as I was talking to one of my guy friends who I am close to, as is common with us, we discussed my plight as a single black woman, still very much believing in and searching for true love. Like many, I have become frustrated at times, but I have not given up, and I know that I never will. God has someone great in store for me; it's just taking a little more time than I had expected for me and "The Final One" to meet.
The conversations we have tend to run pretty deep and can get intense. We talk about a mixture of everything from relationships to politics to sex and religion, often tying it all together. I love this dude. He is like my sensei. But as we were talking, and I was giving my thoughts on the subject we were on, which was whether we believed in Soul Mates - he does not, I do - he says to me amid our discussion in his booming James Earl Jones type voice, "Chloe don't worry, it may be taking a little longer than most, but somewhere out there is a custom made nigga, just for you."
When I tell you, I hollered. I swear that if you had heard him, you would have laughed so hard you snorted at least a little. And it wasn't what he said, but how he said it tickled me so hard that I nearly wet my pants. Who would have thunk that is out there walking around somewhere is a custom-made nigga, just for little old me? Those who know me personally know how much I loathe using the N-word. That is what made it that much more sidesplitting to me, considering he too knows how much I'm not too fond of that word. But it was how he said it, of which anyone else I would have felt as if they were being facetious, but my knowing Robb as I do, his words may have sounded sarcastic, but he was genuinely speaking with masculine comfort me from his heart. He is, in fact, a gentle giant.
Then he went on to expound more on his statement. In a nutshell, what he said did not allow me to become so frustrated with where things are now that I began to lower my standards. Please do not question my needs and expectations. Do not start to drop things from your list to increase your chances because the list you have of what you need and want in a man is not unrealistic. There is nothing wrong with having a list of things you seek in your life partner. It is your LIFE partner. A person you plan to spend the rest of your life with, so make sure that you figure out what you need and don't waiver from that as long as it is reasonable and what you are asking for is the same that you have to give.
Too often, we as women allow society and even those close to us to scare us into believing that maybe what we desire in a mate is too much when sometimes it may not be enough. We speak of the bare minimum because we do not want to be ridiculed if we say that, yes, we want a man that has a decent job that allows him not to have to lean on us for help. Yes, we want a man with his own home/apartment – hell, I have mine, so why should I, as a woman, not expect or desire a man who has the same. You're supposed to be the overseer of ME, not me over you.
If you want a Christian man who often hangs a church suit or two on himself, don't settle on a man who only goes to church for funerals and weddings. Or only if by chance you ask him to go, his selection of attire is to choose jeans and J's. It’s okay to realize you are unevenly yoked. If he isn’t where you are, do not feel bad about not wishing to fix him up. You can't change him into who your heart desires, so leave him outside the church doors where he hopes to stay. Besides, why do we always have to be the ones to "work with a nigga" and all his baggage? Do they not often voice how they don’t want a woman with baggage and that we should be whole when they find us? Same damn thang.
If you are stable and have your own, do not feel uneasy about stating that you do not want a man that can pack up all his shit in six trash bags and call The National Kidney Foundation to come to pick up the raggedy-ass furniture in his house so he can move into yours that you work hard for, within three months of meeting him. Too much of this happens every day. Women will quickly move a man into their home if he shows the right kind of attention. Men are not so quick to move a woman into their home. And now the going question to ask women is: What do you bring to the table? Why have we strayed away from expecting the same?
If you feel a man with three kids by three different mothers is not what you desire, and you see it as irresponsible, do not allow the threat of society to say to you, "But what if he is a good man?” Or “You gonna miss out and end up alone because your expectations are too high" to make you change your mind. You may not be the type who can handle the chance of baby mama drama. And the same way we are called into question for having multiple baby daddies, why is it not okay to question if he is responsible for his actions? There is nothing wrong with that, and why should you spend/waste six months trying to "test drive" the situation if you do not want to? Men say it robustly….THEY DO NOT WANT A WOMAN WITH A BUNCH OF KIDS!
I could go on, but the bottom line is this. It is time out for letting the world beat me down for what I desire in a mate. My requirements are not extreme. There is nothing that I can knock off my list that will increase my chances any more than there already are.
Does he have to be rich? Nope. But he must have a steady job. Must his house be worth three hundred thousand? No, he can live in an apartment as long as it is his. Should he push a Benz? Nope, just make sure you have insurance on whatever you are riding, and it can get us from A-Z.
Should he look like Morris Chestnut or Tyrese? Weeeeeeelllll let me get back to you on that. Seriously though, I've dated short, tall, fat, and small. I've dated them all. What I need most is chemistry. And someone I don't have to teach how to make love or at least not so selfish they do not care about what pleases me sexually. Now that is what is sexy to me.
Is it a must he has a degree? He can have his damn GED, just as long as he is a BMW - black man working. Hell, he can hang off the back of a Dekalb County Sanitation truck, as long as he can handle his, takes a shower when he gets home, and is genuine to me.
My Custom-Made Nigga is quite simple, and my needs are small. But what I desire and what I need most of all......is a man that deep down in his soul, with everything within who he is, feels not only that he wants to LOVE, RESPECT, PROTECT and COMPLETE ME.....yeah I said it.......COMPLETE ME.....but that he wants to do it ferociously. My love is the CUSTOM-MADE NIGGA that is somewhere out there being built exclusively just for me.
Love,
Chloe
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