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Dear Black Man,
Last night I tossed and turned in my bed for a few hours, thinking about many things. We have had such a turbulent relationship lately, and I’ll admit that, for the most part, I held you responsible for most of it. Society, especially now with such easy access to social media, print, and TV, tends to paint a picture of you with such broad strokes. And as much as I have tried to convince myself that I always take great measures to view things from all sides, I lay there and began to recant the number of conversations I had with my close guy friends over these last few years as I came into my 40’s. Lying there last night in the dark, I realized I’ve been so busy fighting for my sisters that I haven’t fully taken the time to honestly and truly listen enough, to fight for YOU, too.
As we’ve all gotten older lately, I’ve become closer to some of you in ways I never expected. No not in a sexual manner, but sincerely as close as sisters and brothers born of the same mother, could be. We have bickered and mentally battled. You’ve given to me bird eye views of what men see as our issues, as well as advice to me, your sister, from a man to a woman whose questioned herself many times over. Some of you have found solace in confiding in me many of your concerns as well as shared your hurts, disappointments and struggles, as a black man in this world. All this time I thought that I was in full attendance when we had these discussions but now I realize that too often, my own pains were sitting in the seat right next to me, so I was scrutinizing more than I was being compassionate. Here as of lately, I am woman enough to admit that I finally started to truly listen with an open heart and mind, to how you are often being mistreated, misunderstood and yes, emasculated. And more times than I could ever imagine, I have taken it for granted.
I’ve always presumed that every woman had it within her to be the better communicators, the natural nurturer, the giver and the better compromiser. Those are things that I falsely assumed that we were out there always giving, and you all were selfishly receiving. I listen to my sisters day in and day out, carp about their struggles with finding a good black man and many times I join in enthusiastically raising my own proverbial glass of wine in what I never say as bashing, but our touching and agreeing on what we all seem to endure every day. I ain’t gonna sit here and lie and say that none of what we go through isn’t true, because alot of it is, even when the bad situations that we encounter are self-inflicted and we must show accountability for the choice that we make, also. Still, as I grow and try so hard to practice what I preach, I have begun to open up my mind, heart and yes my soul to you on a sisterly level and even at times as a mother to sons that were not born of my womb, and now I must say to you - I apologize for so much of what we as women do take you through.
I apologize that so many of you have truly been hurt and disappointed by some of us and the mean things that we have done to you when you were sincere in your quest to find true love just as we do. I apologize that I didn’t truly believe as many women were out here selfishly asking and expecting things of you that they themselves would not so readily give, not could personally afford. I apologize that I am just now realize that so many of you were in fact raised to be protectors and providers to us and in doing those things that your parents raised you to do, you have happen upon those who are takers with no understanding of what it means to reciprocate or genuinely show their appreciation for being blessed, with a good black man. I apologize for those who have manipulated you into believing that if you give them the world on a silver platter and yes, your heart and soul too, that they will cherish and protect it in the same manner that we have feverishly conveyed that we want of you, but didn’t and never really tried to. I apologize for saying that I knew it to be true, but in all honesty, not as much as I thought I did – not wholeheartedly believing that yes, your heart can also be destroyed and shattered to little pieces to the point of fearing opening up yourself to fully love again.
I’m sorry for thinking that we owned the prototype and patent on broken hearts. I’m sorry for not being honest with myself as to why you, a black man could possibly have trust issues with women, yet have to deny and remain strong, because admitting such realities would seem weak to the world. I’m sorry for the things that we as women don’t do to show you that we appreciate and love you because you do it so effortlessly that we think it is owed to us, when more times than I ever could imagined, it has not even been earned. I’m sorry for the times you have tried to be father’s to your children and the mother’s make it difficult for you and them to even just pick up the phone and call one another to have a conversation. I’m sorry for the mothers that see you as an ATM machine and not as the human being that helped in creating another life, that you both share equal responsibility for in raising. I’m sorry for the struggles that you have to go through as not just a man but as a black man on the job and in society, including the stereotypes that even I have assumed and applied to you unknowingly. I am sorry for not always being the comfort and strength that you seek, instead at times being a part of the stresses beats down on you daily.
Most of all I am sorry for all this time thinking that I was really and truly believing and uplifting you when subconsciously, I was still allowing my own experiences to not fully give each and every one of you fair chances as SEEING YOU, INDIVIDUALLY, for who you are. From the bottom of my heart, I apologize and am sorry. I see you. I hear you and yes, I do sincerely believe in you.
And yet there is one thing that I am not sorry, nor will I ever apologize for that always has and will always remain true. And that is LOVING YOU!
I love you!
Just Clo
6:47 AM. 3/3/17
PS. (Post Script) ….If there are typos, I ain’t going back correcting it. I got work to do!
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