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Based on conversations with brothers that I have spoken with personally, there appears to be a popular misconception that most black women expect a man to hold a certain level of financial stature to be appealing. Surprisingly, in speaking with them, the consensus is believed by many that we hold such high value for material possessions that your average black woman will not entertain the thought of dating someone with less than what is perceived as being our ideal. Sadly, I have come to learn that many brothers believe we require that he drive a nice car, live in a palatial home, wear expensive jewelry, and name brand clothing with the ability to buy and spend freely on us also. In essence, if the black woman possesses these types of things it is the belief that she is solely attracted to a man equal to her in this manner with anyone holding less than in her eyes considered to be less than.
Lastly, it is especially believed based on "statistical SO-CALLED data", that educated black women "require" a man to be just as or even more educated than she. Bachelor for Bachelor. Bachelor for Master. Master for Master. And so forth. Any man holding less than her level of degree is automatically rejected based on her standards. From what I have been told, I have been falsely accused of being both types of women though truthfully, I am not materialistic, nor do I hold a degree. I am an infinite college student if you will. LOL. Nevertheless, I tend to find myself strongly attracted to blue-collar type working men. A man that does things with his hands or what I personally qualify as requiring the exertion of their physical strength besides a need to analyze a situation such as being a police officer.....*fans before fainting*......construction worker, tow trucker driver, tiler and finisher, auto mechanic, county water and road worker, welder - the warehouse manager, UPS and FED EX delivery man or long haul truck driver are the ones that draw me to them like bees to honey. For so long I did not understand why this was so. There are certain things about a man that are very much my requirements. He must be well-spoken and can debate and discuss with me every aspect of life, giving to me mental stimulation like a synthetic drug. These are often associated with a brother of a higher degree. So, I had to take the time to analyze why if I need these things are blue-collar workers so much more appealing to me? Not saying that they do not possess these same competencies. Still, I was able to conclude that reflexively it gives me the same sense of security that was derived from growing up with a blue-collar worker for a father who was and probably always will be the epitome of what I see as a strong black man. My father wore a uniform carrying his lunch and Thermos filled with coffee to work every day that was prepared each morning by my mother. In the evenings he came home to mow the lawn, work in the yard or on the car and he fixed anything that needed to be tended to around the house. On Sunday evenings he gassed up all the cars and on any other day that the tanks needed to be filled. I don’t recall ever seeing my mother touching the nozzle of a gas pump until I was almost in my teens. It was my father’s duty. For my dad, if the bills were paid and he had cold Budweiser while watching the Braves and Falcons, he was good. My mother, meanwhile, though worked at General Motors and made far more money than he, she cooked, cleaned, did laundry, ironed his clothes, and performed her duties without questioning her role as the wife nor challenging his place as the head of the home.
No disrespect or downplaying of an educated white-collar brother's ability to be just as much of a MAN as well. Trust and believe I thoroughly and fully understand that education does not disqualify, weaken, or negate a brother from being a pillar of strength in his own right. Many blue-collar brothers also hold degrees as well so, in my eyes, educated men are no different than non-degree brothers. I simply see them as having had the drive to pursue and complete more in-depth knowledge of a specific field of study. I know of far too many paying down student loans for degrees in professions that they do not work. Again, not to discount anyone but in my eyes, a degree can often be seen as a piece of paper in a frame that says, “I completed what I set out to do” and for that reason alone, as I continue to be a lifetime college student, I must bow and give kudos and much respect to you.
But this post is justly about what I have come to realize about myself which is that because of my father, I have a strong attraction to a man that makes me "feel" that he not only can but will show me he sincerely has an adept desire to FIX whatever the issue is. Be it something he has to do with his hands thereby giving me the "sense" of being a hard-working get down and dirty authority type figure or him being someone that wants me to tell him about ANY issue that I am having so that he can do all that he can to try to make it better. In speaking to most of my sisters, both with degrees and non, financially well off or living paycheck to paycheck, our desires for a mate transcends financial stature and the material possessions that many men falsely assume or use as being the catalyst behind our inability to find a sustainable mate. With us, there is NOT a need to delve too deep to find that the vast majority of us sisters long for a man that will give us a sense of security not overtly in the monetary sense. Most of us no longer hold to the “you have to take care of me financially” principles anymore. We as black women merely desire a man that has the slap us on the ass while saying, “Get in the kitchen and get my dinner ready woman", type of fortitude whereby he CAN say that to us because we feel based on his actions of taking care of his woman, our desire for complete submission is not even considered an OPTION but an innate obligation to surrender to his will.
Long-winded as hell I know but damn I had to get this one out.
Chloe Barksdale
Photos compliments of D. Miller .....thanks YOU! :)
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