I Love Bad Boys and That's My F'in Problem

So I’m looking outside at the dreary snuggle/cuddle weather, wishing I was home splayed out across my sofa with a throw over me…..flipping channels........

……..sipping on something good. And of course, my mind is churning, and everything is flip-flopping inside my head; then, a conversation I had yesterday with one of my sister girls popped up. Next thing you know, I am hearing the ASAP ROCKY song, F&*^ Problems playing over and over in my mind. Switch word bitch with boys and playdown……….there it was…….it was sort of but not the exact words she ended our conversation with yesterday, "Why do we love bad boys?"

Now you know we catch much flak from the “so-called” good guys regarding women’s weakness for bad boys. And if you say women gravitate towards bad boys, the majority will almost threaten to cut you for lying to them. But of course, I tend to own up to my stuff more than many, so imagine me standing on my desk at work in my black leggings and Steve Madden suede boots with my hand over my heart as I pledge, “I LOVE BAD BOYS AND THAT’S MY F’IN PROBLEM.”

I sat here and thought back on all my past relationships and situationships , and I can honestly say that I've only dated one guy who was as far from being a “bad boy” as they come. I almost married him too. But before him and after that, they've always been either hardcore bad boys or at least wore some handcuffs a time or two, or three, or four……or, oh hell, just page forward to review their rap sheet. O_O.

And this post is not about glorifying bad boys, cause come come now....my behind is now into my very early 50’s, so ain’t nobody got time to be putting money on books, sitting behind a glass picking up germ-infested jail phones, shipping off all-white Air Force Ones, and Hanes wife beaters and boxer briefs via USPS. I long stopped using my Amazon account to become the personal librarian, and my phone goes to Do Not Disturb from 9:00 PM to 7:00 AM every night, so if you got warrants and get pulled over, don’t even waste your time calling me from Pretrial as you will surely get my voicemail. And lastly, I am funny about using my vacation days, so your ride will have to stay in impound until the weekend, or your mama and sister can get it out. You better have all your paperwork in order because gas is too high for me to be driving all over the place, from Lovejoy to Gwinnett to Alpharetta and back, trying to keep your ride from racking up daily charges or someone stripping your car and stealing your rims at the impound lot.

But the question remains that I had to sit in my car on lunch and admit to myself. Girl, you know you USED TO <INSERT *side eye*> love yourself some bad boys. You've always liked those with a suspended license who held a job in pharmaceutical sales with tax-free dividends and consisted of looping the interstate, jumping off at various exits off 285 multiple times a day. You loved the guys that rode past that tall building at the corner of 285 and Memorial and looked up at those little windows flashing back at days gone past with disdain. The men called you Lil Mama and had to check in weekly with particular social workers who asked them to leave samples of yellow liquid in little plastic measuring cups…..yeah, those types.

So why is that? What was it about them that so quickly drew you to them like flies on shit? Even the ones you didn't think you'd find all that attractive seemed to have a draw you couldn't resist.

Not to keep being long-winded, I’ll summarize it like this:

I think we sisters must be honest and say that many women associate bad boys with strength and protection in some sick twisted way. Unconsciously, we erroneously believe that just because they do things that involve taking risks and have such solid and hard personalities, it will also transition into how they will be strong and protect us. We see them as fearless and doing whatever they got to do to GET IT, whatever IT is. We DO love that they tell us no. We DO love that they won’t give us our way. We DO love the “idea” that they will need us to hold it down if something happens. Just as men need to be needed, women do too.

I also realized that even the BAD BOYS that aren't hardcore or always in trouble, but the ones with a get-over kind of hustle mentality are the BAD BOYS because they've mastered being con artists and manipulators. Their strength is sales. Those bad boys are always living with some chick, driving her car; she’s buying him all kinds of foolishness, and anytime she gets mad or questions things, his skills with words coupled with the way he strokes her the long way in the boudoir shuts all that down. Glad to say I have never done those kinds of bad boys. But I don’t judge because love is one hell of a drug.

But now, you are not moving in with me. You are not driving my car unless you have one of equal value for me to go and tear up. Yes, I will do things for you, but you best believe you're doing something for me. Even swap ain’t no swindle. Buying rims and standing in line to get you the latest J's is a negative. And yes, I will buy you an iPhone 13......CASE.....NOT the phone, boo.

But these types of bad boys women fall for because they know what she likes to hear. They know how to manipulate her by giving her the attention she needs in just the right amount to keep her open. They know how to be elusive, and just when she becomes frustrated, to borrow 50.00 from their other girl to send their main chick roses to her job. These slick brothers give the women hugs from behind and plant kisses on the back of her neck while she's cooking before asking can he use her car to run over to his boy’s house to grab a nickel bag, then walk back into the house four hours later with her gas tank on E but smiling at her with a 12 pack of THOT juice *cranberry ritas* just for her.

Okay, okay okay…I've rambled on enough. BUT….that is somewhat why we women, as delusional and dumb as it is, gets caught up in bad boys. Lord knows I've met more than my share, and I’m sure I’ll meet a few more before I marry.

Love,

Chloe