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One of my male friends and I were having a conversation not too long ago and somehow; we ventured into discussing how much we love each other. After over twenty years it still amazes us how long we have been friends, having met by chance through our love for writing. One of us – we can’t remember who - reached out first to compliment the other work and from there a genuine friendship of love and respect for one another blossomed. We have never come close to blurring the lines.
As a matter of fact, I have quite a few close male friends, male friends that I speak with often. Some know more about my personal life than even my closest girlfriends do. These are the men that I go to for advice on men and sometimes just to chat about my struggles as a single black woman dating.
I have been told that I am a relatively attractive female. A great many of my male friends are attractive as well. Actually, some of my male friends are quite strikingly handsome and fine as frog hair that’s had a Hawaiian Silky texturizer run through it. They are the kind of male friends I know some of my girlfriends either would do in a heartbeat or have already done. More than a few are married. But that ain’t my business, though. I stay in my lane.
Still, I am not attracted to these male friends. I see them strictly platonic. The proverbial cemented friend zone where ain't no haps even if we sat a bottle of 151 rum in the middle of the floor and took turns taking shots chasing it with Coronas saying fuck the limes. 95% of my platonic male friends don’t flirt with each other even intermittently. There's no sexual innuendos or salacious sparring between us at all. We treat each other like sisters and brothers born of the same womb.
Sounds pretty cool, huh? So, what is the big deal?
Well, my male friends and I often tell each other, “I love you!”
Nope, not the fleeting words thrown out as you hug and part ways - Luv ya.
We say…. I……Love……You.
For me, spelling those words out without using abbreviations has more meaning behind them. It is more direct and spoken from the heart.
We say it in emails. We say it in text. We say it on Facebook and Instagram. We say it in person. Most importantly, we say it to each other all the time.
So again, what is the big deal?
Well as my close guy friend and I were talking, trading emails, it dawned on me how wonderful of a friend he is. He is always there for me no matter whether we fight or disagree or find ourselves giving each other high fives. Our love for one another is very genuine. So, I said to him:
Did I tell you that I love you lately? I mean I really really do! What is so funny is that as I send this, I question if others would see this as being inappropriate to say to someone else's man. Based on the in-depth discussions we have had in various social media groups on whether men and women can indeed be just friends, how would you feel if you found that your mate has a friend, they say I love you to, on the regular? Wow. That just hit me. Could I think rationally about my husband saying I Love You to another woman that I am not close to, but know in passing? Would it raise my ire to think that maybe there was more to them than what really is? Okay, I have to blog about this right quick. But I do love you.
His response was, "Wow, that is a pretty deep thought when you really start to think about it."
But then most of the time our conversations are pretty intense and tend to dig way deep past the surface of things.
Then he asked himself would his significant other approve of our declaration to each other. He really couldn't say though she and I have met, and she knows our back story well. Matter of fact she and I hug and joke when we see one another, and I always hope that she knows I am definitely one of their biggest fans. He then went on to venture further questioning if he would be cool with her speaking such a declaration to one of her male friends. He admitted that he probably would not be very comfortable with it. We deviled a little further into the discussion, and he ended by saying that he loved me and it was as simple as that. And from there we went on about our merry little day chit-chatting away as usual.
Hmmmmm. Is it really that simple? Or is it truly hard to believe that two attractive people of the opposite sex can say, I love you to one another often, and there be no other implications behind it other than that of wishing to let them know just how deeply you care?
I guess this little blog was more of a rambling post than anything for me. Maybe one for others to ponder on and consider how they would feel to find out their mate openly speaks of their love for a platonic member of the opposite sex. But for my guy friends and me, it is a no-brainer.
I would never disrespect their significant others. I am just not that type of girl. But the fact remains that we love each other without question. And if I love you, I tell you. And there ain’t a damn thing nobody can do about it.
Love,
Chloe
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