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My little spill on Jeezy and Nia "conversation—then I’m back to my little peaceful corner of the world.
It is now a rare occasion that I speak about other's lives, especially celebrities. Too often, we are quick to give input to others yet hold the truths about our own lives exceedingly privately close and easily angered if there is even a thought that others are discussing any ills. In other words, our thought processes are: I love to be the tea sipper, just as long as the tea doesn't involve me.
Go figure.
After catching snippets of the conversation between Nia and Jeezy, AKA Jay Jenkins, across social media, it wasn't hard for me to glean that what most were looking for wasn't what they would receive. Even more so, I'd already noted the changes in Jeezy over the years. The growth this man had shown was evident. Only the evolution of a black man.
I did not expect much from him regarding his relationship and marriage, and happily, he held those topics to a minimum. I didn't care. It has been evident since they came out together as a couple who was more interested in documenting their daily lives and journeys and who was not. Women are more apt to overshare than men. I can readily admit that I have been that woman in the past. With time, age, and experience, I have better understood why men believe in privacy. And this was my take on their relationship and marriage.
Moreover, if you genuinely have followed Jeezy's career, he's never been exceedingly outspoken about his relationships. You could assume or even know he was seeing someone, but that was it. Unlike many male entertainers these days whose lips are looser than the bedroom knob on the door of a project bedroom shared by four kids, he's never been one to speak much about who spends time between his sheets. If for no other reason than that, I have always respected him as a man and the level of care he has for the women he's dated in the industry.
With that said, I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation. The level of blowback I am seeing regarding Jeezy not going into depth about his marriage is the very reason why men very rarely share their true feelings. As I stated, most people tuned in, seeking the “juice” on why they are divorcing, which is why they tuned in. Disappointed they were, as this wasn’t about any of that. This heart-to-heart was all about him - Jeezy, his mental and spiritual growth, and something we all say we seek - his peace. He spoke in depth about things that are often now shared by men, which is having dealt with demons in his past and realizing their effect on how he’s moved most of his life. The hurt he's endured and how it has shaped so many of his past decisions. It was about him recognizing and owning his mistakes. Jeezy's sit down was an open dialogue from a black man who has experienced life and his journey through self-discovery in a way many of us are not honest with ourselves enough to embark upon.
I think that irks me so much is just how pissed people were with much to say when he got with her. Especially black women. The level of ownership for the Snowman and the outrage that he'd chosen "her" had many heads spinning. Many are in an uproar yet again about what he’s decided for HIS life - for his happiness. No one knows precisely why he chose to end his marriage. He hasn't been forthcoming with that information in his own right. Yet people have much to say. These are the same people who quickly say they would leave if they were unhappy.
I sit back and observe people more these days than I speak. This man has been growing and changing for YEARS…. long before he met her. One thing about black folks is that they don’t want to see growth. They don’t want to accept that people change. They want to keep you where they feel comfortable so they can have a unit of measure against their own lives. Once you start to change, moving towards a higher plane, they refuse to let go of who they “think” you are or should be because who that person was is what makes THEM happy.
One of the most profound things he said is that women must do better to allow men the space to be vulnerable and share. This man spoke of being molested at a young age. He talked about hiding under a sink at his friend's house while listening to his friend's father shoot his mother. He told of his parents, their neglect, his upbringing, and the impact it had on how he viewed life and his survival mentality. He spoke of now being a man who meditates and the vividness of his dreams, including his conversation with his mother. He spoke on forgiveness and how hard it is for him to let go of some of his hurt, but how he's trying to for his peace, not for those who have crossed him. He spoke about being left hanging after looking out for others. He talked about repairing the relationship with his kids. He said so much, opening up in a way most men don’t, but everyone cares only about his reason for divorce.
We love to only focus on the toxic and never want to see a person heal, let alone find sincere healing within ourselves. Seeing a black man speak so openly brought a new level of respect from me. It is a beautiful thing to see a brother experiencing sincere PEACE, JOY, and continued HEALING.
I give Mr. Jenkins a round of applause.
Chloe Barksdale
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