The Greatest Love Of All (A Old Blog Throwback)

***Note - this blog was written 4/14/2014, over 8 years ago***

So here I sat Dugans, glancing at a couple sitting across from me at the exact table where he had been sitting when we met. It sure didn’t seem like over ten years had passed since that fateful day. I still held so much memory of us clearly as if they had only happened yesterday.

Far too many times I’d asked myself over and over again through the years, would my next situation be the one strong enough to send it all away?

Would I finally meet that one person who could replace his title of being my greatest love of all? There had been a few that I wanted so badly to at least come close. Yet with every one of those situations, something significant to me had been missing. It was that thing called chemistry. Because once you’ve had a certain level of it – the kind that Mister and I had shared, nothing less than 95% would do. Hell, sometimes I wondered if I could even be satisfied with that missing five.

Watching the couple sitting at our table, I looked for some semblance of magic between them almost wishing for them, whatever it was that had drawn Mister and me together. Hoping they too could know the experience that we once had shared. As crazy as it sounded, I wanted everyone to be able to share what he and I had once shared. You couldn’t tell me there was anything in the world like it.

Yet as I sat there watching them, I knew the truth. There were very few that would ever come even close to the zenith of love that has once been Mister and I. Sadly, I felt a bit of nostalgia, if not trepidation, that chances were I too would never experience it again. I had to admit that at times, my mind would wonder if he had found someone that would take him higher than I ever had. The thought of it left a very bitter taste in my mouth. People always say they want the best for the person they love, but even though it had been five years since we decided to walk away, I still had not reached that point yet. I honestly couldn’t say that I wanted him to be happy without me.

***2022 UPDATE - he has and is happily married to a beautiful sister, and I AM very happy for them***

Briefly, I bristled as I thought about that eventful night two years before when I had snatched up my clothes and ran out of the house. I cursed him the entire way up the steps and out the front door swearing to never speak again to the man I once believed I could never live without. For the longest time, that day had sat inside my soul like a gaping wound. And anytime I felt that maybe a scab was beginning to form and I was assuredly moving on, something or someone would come along just as quick to trigger bittersweet memories of exactly how beautiful things had once been, how we had once just fit. We were like a seamless puzzle. Our love was so beautiful to others that it was just too complicated for them to understand. You couldn’t tell where he ended, and I began. It was during those times that I’d find myself struggling to start the process of healing all over again. So why, I kept asking myself, had I agreed to meet with him for lunch today?

As I was questioning myself, one of Dugan's servers, Peaches, came over and placed a tall glass of a purplish-blue concoction on the table in front of me. I looked up at her with a quizzing look. I’d just sat down only moments before, not having seen her when I’d come in. Just as quickly I dismissed her actions knowing that every waitress that worked at Dugan’s assumed that a Purple Rain would be my order. I hadn’t had one in over a year but didn’t feel a need to correct her. It had been Mister and I drink of choice. At one time when we would come into Dugans before we could slip into our seats good, two of the potent beverages would arrive at our table. We were like Dugan's royalty.

“Thank you, girl. How have you been?” I reached up slightly out of my seat to squeeze her. I hadn’t seen her in a while. She looked good. All the weight she’d gained from having her twins a few years back had settled nicely around her hips and ass. Her belly was flat as a board not looking as if she’d spit out four kids in just three years’ time. Observing her made me reflexively tighten my tummy as I sat while she stood there talking.

“I am fine girl. Just working and trying to take care of these babies. How about you? How are you doing?” She smiled. “I haven’t seen you in here in a while.”

“I know,” I said. “I’m good. Like you, just been working and still playing kickball trying to get back in shape.”

“Girl, please. You always look good every time I see you.” She complimented. “I don’t ever see you not looking like a diva, and you know it.”

“Thanks, girl.” I accepted the compliment she always gave when we saw each other.

Peaches had always been my favorite at Dugan's. Unlike some of the newer servers, you never saw her not smiling, even when customers had gotten on her last damn nerves. She had such a beautiful disposition and was why I most times would always seek out her section when I was a regular.

“You know I saw your boy in here not long ago?”

I already knew who she was referring to, but I asked anyway.

“Who is that?” I took a sip of my drink which was perfect. Strong as fuck, but perfect no less. I could feel the elixir begin to take effect almost as soon as it hit my tongue.

“You know who girl, don’t play. Your ex-boo, who else would I be talking about?” She turned her lips up at one side.

“Oh,” I said coyly, trying to suppress giving off any indication that I had butterflies swimming around inside my belly. I surely didn’t want to mention that it was who I was up there to meet. Saying so would result in a barrage of questions that I just didn’t feel like playing guest to. Actually, I was still contemplating if I should hurry up and leave before he got there.

Typical Mister, as expected he was late. According to his personal clock, the world revolved around him and moved to permit his schedule. Everyone else had to adjust their time to his. It was one of his arrogances that I often detested.

“I guess ‘oh’ is right.” A wide smile parted her face suddenly, and I already knew without turning to see the cause. His presence had been felt the second he’d come through the door. Oh, who the hell was I kidding? That seemingly unbreakable connection we had gave off sensors probably since his car had touched Flat Shoals Parkway.

Angela skirted from beside me and moved toward the bar's brightly lit door. I heard her ask how he was. My nerves were skittish under my skin. I took another huge gulp of my drink which probably wasn’t the right thing to do considering its potency. Two more of those, and I’d be good and tipsy.

His Angel cologne invaded my nose. My body went warm all over. God, how I remembered the nights I’d lay curled up against his back taking in that smell, me spooning him with one hand reached around holding his dick as if I were afraid of letting go.

A few more seconds and though I couldn’t see him standing behind me, I felt his hands as they reached out to touch my shoulders and immediately commence to massage them both. My vision faded behind slowly closing lids.

“Hey you.” He leaned just a bit and said low and slow.

Damn! Damn! Damn! No make that, fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I didn’t want to move but knew I had to. So slowly I turned and rose. And as expected, my heart slid right out of position, down my chest - hit a few bumps as it passed through my middle, stopped to whisper at my kitty, and then fast-tracked through my weakened thighs and finally slipped under my feet. Damn!

“Hey, baby,” I whispered, sliding for the first time in years back into the perfect fit of his arms. My head dropped and lay gingerly on his shoulder. His face turned, and I felt his lips connect with my neck. It was only a few seconds, but it seemed like minutes before we disconnected. She sighed between my thighs. Or was that her muted cries?

Get yourself together Miss, I told myself. It ain’t been five good minutes yet, and you’re already mentally undressing and crawling your ass in between the sheets of this man's bed. Calm your little ass down and get it together.

“Thank you for taking care of her.” He turned to Peaches and said. “Can you bring me a purple rain too, a half portion of deluxe chicken nachos and ten-piece mild, all drums with extra blue cheese?”

That’s when it hit me that he’d already called ahead and had my drink ordered. Peaches had known all along that he was on his way. She said okay and then walked off with a smirk.

I sat back down as he slid into the chair across from me. It had been a long time. We had been texting periodically for a while now, but nothing major. Just a few hi how are you doing and maybe discussing a little football. Never did it cross my mind that we would build-up to this meeting up again.

It took a minute, but gradually we loosened up and things quickly fell back into a routine. Our conversation ran the gamut of what we had been up to, my playing kickball, what the Falcons were going to do this year, and what TV shows he’d become hooked on. As I sat and listened to him rattle off Game of Thrones, Scandal, and Walking Dead, I remembered how little I watched TV before he and I met. And how I would become so irritated that on the nights when Nip Tuck, The Wire, and The Sopranos came on, his mean Gemini side would surface, and my feelings would be hurt at how rudely he would tune me out. Refuse to answer any of my calls or text messages. We argued so much that first year as we learned one another.

“Clo you have to learn not to take things so personal”, was always his response when I would throw one of my tantrums over one of his peculiarities that I just couldn’t understand.

Those first years were filled with so much passionate forcefulness coming from both our directions that always seemed to end with sheets set on fire for hours and hours and even sometimes days on end.

So many little things about us came rushing back so quickly as we sat there laughing and talking that it forced a smile across my lips without my knowledge.

“What are you cheesing about?” He stopped what he was saying and asked.

My eyes couldn’t drink enough of him in. I swore even then that I had never ever, for the life of me, seen a man more breathtaking. They say that with time, attraction fades and becomes stale but I doubted I would ever tire of looking at him or his smooth as silk deep dark mahogany toned bald head. His round bright eyes were surrounded by long jet-black lashes that looked like mink. Everything about him was perfect. His walk, his talk, his style of dress. As much as I had tried to many times, I could not find one reason to denounce his often blatant arrogance. He had every right to be. He was simply beautiful. It was Mister.

“Nothing,” I answered. “I didn’t know I was. Just listening to you. Appreciating how not much has changed.” I chuckled. “Do you still go to sleep and wake up to Sports Center?” I asked already knowing the answer but wanting to hear him speak it anyway.

Shamelessly he smiled, showing me those gorgeous piano keys that had initially captured my attention.

“Of course. I’m still the same old me.”

I nodded my head. “I am sure.”

“And do you still need complete pitch blackness with no sound and not even the glare from the alarm clock in order to go to sleep at night?”

“Yes.” I nodded again. “I have to even turn my cellphone over on its face because you know a text message will wake me up.”

“Hmmm.” He raised one of his jet black thick eyebrows that sat perfectly arched on his deep dark chocolate face. They always looked as if he’d just smoothed them down with a dollop of Vaseline. “Getting text messages all times of night?”

“Noooo.” I drug out the words squinting at him behind my chuckle. “I meant anything. No text messages, really, but Facebook notifications. Email notification. All kinds of things come through your phone. Don’t even try it, Mister.”

“You know you were the one that started everyone to call their man that, right?”

“Yes, I know,” I said. “At first, people couldn’t understand why I would refer to you like that, considering where it came from. But then too we were never like the norm. We always did our own thing.”

“Yes, we definitely did that.” He agreed.

Silence again came between us. On-time, Peaches came back to the table with his drink in hand stating she’d be right back with our food. I felt myself release a heavy sigh of relief. Taking trips back down memory lane was common for us. So often we had done it after we broke up that it was crazy to even wonder, why we were no longer together. Two people that just seemed so perfect for each other.

He tore into his wings and I quickly began to engulf my nachos. Both, like everything else, were staples of ours. Soon after we began to eat more people began to come through the doors. It was early afternoon but also a beautiful spring Saturday. It wasn’t long before people that had seen us hang out there for years began to stop by the table all smiles, happy to see us together again. We did as we had done in the past and reaffirmed that we were just old friends out having lunch together. It did nothing to halt the constant compliments of how great it looked seeing us together again with some saying they couldn’t understand what in the world could make us break apart. I think we both sometimes wondered the same yet we also knew that sometimes no matter how much you love a person things just don’t always work out the way that you want.

The two of us stayed there for hours, talking, laughing, and just enjoying the familiarity and comfort of what was us. It was like old times. To the outside world, we seemed so perfect. The ultimate that everyone wished for when it came to love. A few times I had to stop my mind from wandering. I had to stop my heart from racing. And as it became later and later, I had to force myself back to reality. We were simply friends catching up on each other’s lives.

“Well, I guess it is time for me to go.” I looked at the time on my phone. I had prolonged our goodbye as long as I could.

He stood and pulled me into his arms. I inhaled and stood there a little longer than necessary fearing that if I pulled away right there a tear might fall from my eye.

“Thanks, Mister.” I finally broke away and kissed him on the cheek. “Call or text me later. I have a game tomorrow.”

“Okay baby.” He smiled.

When I made it to my car and slid behind the wheel, I cranked up and quickly pulled off. I made a left instead of a right out of Dugan's parking lot and then went and sat in front of Mudear’s in the Kroger parking lot and began to let the tears fall.

I thought that seeing him would bring about the change that I had been praying for. Instead, I felt the same. That Mel would forever and always be my greatest love of all.

Chloe Barksdale