Why "High Value" Isn't About Money: A Woman's Perspective

Clears throat Testing, testing... Taps microphone Is this thing on? Steps confidently up onto the soapbox, rocking 5-inch stilettos, no girdle, with unraveling braids, unslicked edges, and sipping from my second cup of coffee in my cute Dunkin' Donuts cup.

Let’s circle back to yesterday’s topic discussed on my Facebook page with a fresh twist. By now, many of us have figured out that Cam Newton and Nick Cannon can be a bit clownish in some respects—note that I said SOME, not all. They know how to keep people talking, and as fathers, I hope they understand their actions' impact on their kids. In my opinion, though, they’re both being a bit selfish. But honestly, this long-winded post isn’t about them; it’s about the overuse of terms like HIGH VALUE/LOW VALUE.

Yesterday, I had a back-and-forth with a guy friend who’s also a lawyer—you all know how we debate like an old married couple. We discussed Cam Newton’s interview and the whole high/low-value concept, comparing old school vs. new school, and so on.

Then, this morning, at the crack of dawn (seriously, 6 AM), my girl Arneé Harrison and I had a similar conversation but from a female perspective. And no, it wasn’t about bashing Cam or Nick—it quickly turned into a deeper discussion about what the high-value ideology means to each of us.

Here’s what I shared, if you care to read:

Men often equate high value with money, influenced by the likes of Kevin Samuels. But let me tell you, high value isn’t always about money for women. Some men pick and choose the opinions of women who fit their narrative, ignoring what most women are saying. All we want is a man who makes us feel secure. But no matter how often we say it, the narrative keeps telling us what we want, like we don’t know our minds.

For me, Chloe Barksdale, a HIGH VALUE MAN, is someone who’s got his own because we need to match in that sense. Don’t come at me with the “what if” scenarios. I’ve got five gig apps on my phone—LYFT, AMAZON FLEX (that’s why I swapped my Camaro for a Jeep), Instacart, DoorDash, and Shipt. I hustle full-time, and if I can do all that and make a few coins from my book sales, then I don’t want to hear any “what ifs”! MATCH MY HUSTLE OR NOPE!

But it’s not about being rich. My expectations have never been more than what I offer. Just have your own, just like I’ve worked to have mine since I was 15. If I can raise a whole human alone with ZERO help or child support for 18 years, then I don’t want to hear any “what ifs”! Both ends of the proverbial “TABLE” need to sit high. Lately, men want to know what women bring to the table, but I haven’t heard one man outline what he brings to the table that meets my needs.

For THIS Black woman, a HIGH VALUE MAN doesn’t need to drive a Tesla, Porsche, Denali, or Benz. He doesn’t need to live in Thurgood Estates in Ellenwood or make six figures.

For me, it’s about...

Do you make me feel mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically secure? Do I feel safe in those aspects when I’m with you? Do you feed into my dreams—pushing, encouraging, and supporting me? Can I depend on you to be there when I need you and even when I don’t? Can you understand why I sometimes need to be made to sit down? I’m doing too much independent stuff, having had to do it my whole life. Can you stimulate me mentally? That’s a big one—I need a man who can talk about life in a way that makes me tingle without it being about sex. Can we get on the road, be in a car for hours, and talk about everything and nothing? Can we build TOGETHER, working hard to reach our goals? Do you have individual goals I can cheer you on and vice verse? Are you open to receiving feedback as much as you give it? My ex and I used to say, “Will you allow me to help make you BETTER?” Do you understand that I’m here for that, not to change you in a way that’ll hurt you, but to grow you and grow US? Can you communicate effectively, or at least be open to learning how to? Most people think they communicate well, but often it’s just self-serving. Can you put your ego aside and listen with an open mind, trying to understand instead of just wanting to be heard?

And here’s what Arneé said that was so profound:

“We all value different things and have different trigger points, traumas, etc. We all need to stop making blanket statements and assumptions about what each group is seeking or motivated by, and that marriage and relationships are at the forefront of everyone’s goals.”

In other words, your values aren’t mine, and mine aren’t yours, so don’t tell me my definition. ASK ME and take it for what it means.

Be blessed, My Loves!

Chloe B.